Emotions can, in their simplest form, be understood as information. They tell us about the nature, condition, and quality of our relationship with ourselves, others, and the larger social world.
Positive emotions—like happiness, joy, contentment, wonder, peace, and forgiveness—let us know that we are likely safe, nurtured, and in balance with ourselves and the world around us. Negative emotions, on the other hand—like anger, sadness, rage, fear, discomfort, and anxiety and depression —tell us that something is wrong, we are out of balance, and there exists some threat or harm stemming from ourselves or the immediate/extended world around us that requires our attention.
Therefore, emotions are powerful tools that we can use, with practice, to grow, evolve, and transform ourselves and the environments and communities where we live. Positive emotions usually point to beliefs, relationships, events, and general dynamics that aid and add to our (and hopefully others’) wellbeing. We are being counseled via our emotions to maintain and intentionally cultivate the conditions that result in this wellness.
Negative emotions, often, but not exclusively, highlight those ideas, interactions, occasions, and overall situations that threaten or undermine your wellness or the wellbeing of those individuals and communities you love and care about. Thus, negative emotions either gently or forcefully call our attention to conditions that require a change, shift, or intervention.
Emotions, whether positive or negative, are beautiful, necessary, and a strength. However, they are also complex and often somewhat ambiguous. As a result, the source of our emotions is not always, or even very often, readily identifiable. Add to that, our emotions are pliable and therefore susceptible to manipulation and control.
Whole industries and professions—advertising, politics, public relations, and mass media—have as a central premise to their work the goal and desire to control what people feel and then in turn think and believe. It is not just certain industries and professions, but entire systems of power and social orders—white supremacy, patriarchy, transphobia, homophobia, ableism, fatphobia, xenophobia, and capitalism—depend and rely on their ability to shape, influence, and control the emotional lives of individuals, groups, and communities.
Thus, it is our responsibility to be open, present, and responsive to our emotions while simultaneously reflecting on and questioning the initial understandings and meanings given to them. Sometimes, especially when it comes to powerfully felt emotions, we often disengage and go on “auto pilot.” The problem with being on “auto pilot” is we often rely then on socially acceptable or historically learned behaviors that usually at best temporarily alleviates the uncomfortable emotions and momentarily removes us from harm, but at worst maintains and exacerbates the beliefs and conditions that create the harm in the first place.
In the end, emotions are signposts to what is good, helpful, healthy, and safe or to what is potentially harmful, dangerous, toxic, and unjust. The growth, evolution, and transformation we seek for ourselves, our communities, and the world is directly tied to our ability to consistently and accurately interpret and understand the information our emotions are communicating.
We must learn to filter out the misrepresentations, misinformation and outright lies that attempt to inform the understanding and meanings we give to our emotions. We must grapple with the reality that emotions are a central means by which all human beings experience themselves and the world, and therefore we must intentionally grow our emotional wisdom.
I differentiate emotional wisdom from emotional intelligence because intelligence is about acquiring knowledge and understanding, whereas wisdom is doing so with the purpose and intent of applying such knowledge and understanding towards the improvement and betterment of ourselves and the world. In short, wisdom is knowledge with an ethical compass. As such, I see Soul Support Life Coaching as a vehicle to provide individuals, groups, and communities the assistance and expertise they may need to grow their own capacities for emotional wisdom and harness that capability to achieve the change, transformation, and evolution they desire.